Emotional Monsters by Martha Beck

Emotional mugging: you're going along minding your own business, and suddenly, when you least expect it, you're faced with a shocking attack on your mood or peace of mind.
Being emotionally mugged can be crippling, but because the damage is so often invisible, few of us are ever taught self-defense.
PREVENTION
Every mugger uses some version of a few basic approaches.
Knowing their strategy helps you thwart them.
Create an inner space of clean, clear self-confidence.
To cultivate such environment, you must keep 3 brave commitments:
(i) vow never to deliberately create suffering for yourself or others
(ii) always own your mistakes and do your best to correct them
(iii) forgive yourself when your best isn't good enough
Keeping these commitments create deep strength that scares off most emotional muggers.

Here are 6 types of emotional muggers and the ways to emo-respond:
1) PUPPY KICKERS
Picture: The cat is sick, your husband is away, you didn't sleep all night, and as you rush to get your 6 year old ready for school, she tries to tell you something about her imagenary coala using whispered pig Latin in which she is not remotely fluent. After 5 minutes of unintelligible babble, you hear yourself shout:"For God's sake, talk like a normal person!"
You've just emotionally mugged you own offspring.
It feels like bitch-slapping ET.
Emo-defense:
Start by recognizing that the mugging isn't about you; you just happen to be standing there, wagging your tail, when someone went temporarily insane.
Try puppyish responses, offer kindness:" You seem really stressed. Can I help?"
2) EXPLODING DOORMATS

3) DEFLATORS

4) SECRET KEEPERS

5) CANNIBALS
To be happy, each of us must create meaning and joy from the raw material of everyday life.
This is not easy, so some people become cannibals.
E.g. Eve made habit to call Selma whenever she was miserable, offloading her misery and draining Selma's joy.
Emo-defense:
Don't feed cannibals the patient, sorrowful consolation they expect. Respond with: "You're so resourceful-I know you can solve that problem"
6) DEMENTORS

7 Steps to Better Decisions

1) IDENTIFY YOUR GOAL
People that are not self-reflective are going to end up making bad decisions because they don't really know what they want in the first place.
2) ELIMINATE CHOICES BY SETTING STANDARDS
If you are buying digital camera, list the features you'll actually use. Ignore anything fancier.
3) DON'T WORRY ABOUT FINDING "THE BEST"
How good you feel about your decisions is usually more important than how good they are objectively.
4) BE AWARE OF BIASES
They can lead smart people to make dumb decisions.
E.g. we hate to lose more than we like to win which can result in behaviour such as holding on to a tanking stock instead of accepting a loss.
We remember vivid examples better than facts which is why plane crashes stick in our heads more than statistics on air safety.
We are susceptible to how information is framed: a "cash discount" is more appealing than "no credit card surcharge".
Keeping those biases in mind can help you think clearly.
5) TRY NOT TO RUSH
People tend to make poorer choices when they are in a bad mood or under a lot of stress.
When facing a complex decision, use your concious brain to gather the information you need, and then take a break. Go for a walk. Spend half an hour meditating. Take a nap. Have a beer. Give your unconscious mind some time to do its work.
6) DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
When possible, eliminate the need for decisions by establishing rules for yourself.
E.g. you will workout twice a week; you will not have more than 2 glasses of wine; you will buy whatever toilet paper is on sale.
7) DO A POSTGAME ANALYSIS
After each decision you make, ask yourself how you felt afterward and what about the experience you can apply in the future.

Meditation of Kenneth Branagh

30 min twice a day for past decade.
I've learn to acknowledge my problems and then let them go.
Thanks to that ability to release them, I understand that frustration is just a passing feeling; I don't identify with it.
My mind no longer gets congested, because each morning and night, I start fresh again.
I shutt off all the noise and thoughts and listen only to my instinct-that inner voice that, just if we give it a chance, will speak to all of us.

Start fresh

Create a game plan for finding love.
Life coaches suggest:

1. Adjust your attitude.
Make sure you’ve got a positive mental attitude before you leave the house or start looking at online profiles. “Start looking for evidence to support what you want to believe,” she says, rather than your negative self-talk. “Notice all the good single people around, listen for stories of fun dates others are having, pay attention to people who are the type you are seeking, and observe all the people who are in love with less-than-model types. Then choose a new attitude, and say positive things to yourself whenever you need to hear them.”

2. Don’t perpetuate patterns.
Do you keep dating someone even after the thrill is gone? This is the best way to make sure you don’t meet your match. If you feel like you’re dating someone who’s not right for you, stop dating that person immediately.

3. Pace yourself.
“An accelerated pace often leads to heartache,” counsels John Van Epp, author of How To Avoid Marrying A Jerk. “Taking time to get to know someone is crucial for building the groundwork for a long-term relationship, as is keeping your eyes wide open in the process. Accelerated relationships do just the opposite—they create imbalances that do not hold the promise for long-term stability and tend to mask problem areas that should either be dealt with or walked away from. There are significant or revealing patterns that don’t surface until around the third month of a new relationship.” So take your time and heed any warning signs that you should probably be dating someone else.

4. Live your life.
“Your focus should be on living a rich life in which you are responsive to what the world offers,” “This is the position from which you can be open and available to a positive relationship experience. Why? Because if you are living your life based on personal acceptance and resolution, judgments of others will never be an issue and there will simply not exist a chance that someone will be overlooked.” So pursue activities you enjoy to enrich yourself and your chances of meeting someone who shares them.

5. Trust your gut.
“We often get communication from our inner guidance system about what the right thing is to do,”“It’s just that so few of us can hear it over the noise all around us—and particularly inside our heads. That is the subtle voice that whispers, ‘This is not the right person for me.’ It’s letting you know through the tightness in your solar plexus or the nagging feeling you have that something is wrong. If you learn to listen to that voice and trust it, there is no doubt in my mind you will make better dating decisions.”

Do what you love for the rest of your life - 25$

Finding the perfect job requires preparation and support.
1) Realize that it is never the right time to change careers

2) Learn to plan for the financial difficulties that may arise from changing careers

3) Accept that making this kind of transition is a frightening experience and resolve to face the fear

Stay Cool & Can't please everyone

Everybody gets angry sometimes, but it's important to control your feelings at work.
Getting angry may frighten people into giving you what you want in the short run, but it will take away their trust and respect in the long run.
Over time, frequent anger has nowhere to go, but to harden into bitterness at which point it not only takes others' trust and respect away, it takes and keeps them away as they try to avoid you.

The old saying, 'You can't please everyone', certanly rings true at the workplace. As many employees you have around you, that many reputations you're going to have, because everybody sees you in a different light. Don't take it personally.

Commute Time

Use yor commute time to:
(*) THINK
(*) RELAX
(*) REGROUP
It is difficult to be at our best if we are stressed out.
Using the commute time for relaxation such as meditating, leisure reading and listening to relaxation tapes will help you arrive at your destination ready to tackle the challenges of the day.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Don't dominate your subordinates

It is usually not an effective strategy unless you have bad news to deliver and/or there's an imminent problem with only one available response.
Dominance has to do with maintaining complete control.
If your objective is to maintain control at all times, you're likely to lose your credibility.